Simply Still

I've been spending a lot of time sitting lately. I'm still. Sometimes I think about things. Sometimes I just observe or listen to what's going on around me. Sometimes I just consciously breathe. Sometimes I feel like I'm waiting for something. 

After awhile, the sitting still gets a bit worrisome. Surely I have something important to do. There must be a million new posts on Facebook to check out. Maybe I should be in the kitchen planning something healthy to eat for dinner. I could do a crossword puzzle. Even watching TV seems like something a normal person would do in this situation. (though it's about the last thing I want to do.)  What about the incredibly annoying art closet that just won't seem to clean itself. Maybe I should jump into that...

Sitting still feels uncomfortable, but I also seem compelled to do it. I literally think I could sit in this chair all day without much effort. But why? Is there something wrong with me? I have all this free time...isn't there something I should be doing, reading, researching, making, or someplace I should be going? 

Meditation is helping me productively be still...and those times are very helpful and focusing. But what about all the other times I just sit. I don't feel depressed...though I did an awful lot of sitting when I was depressed. Right now I don't even feel tired. I don't want to nap. I just don't feel like doing anything. It feels too late in the day to start a project. I'm not in the middle of a book. It's somewhat "nice" outside for a change. I kind of just want to sit here and watch the cat. 

There's nothing pressing upon me right now. Which makes me feel like I should be getting ahead. Or worse...that going back to work in two weeks is going to be AWFUL because I'm so used to having SO MUCH time, and then I'm going to have what feels like NO TIME. Ugh. 

So, now I'm writing complete madness because I feel like I should be doing something other than sitting. I don't even have anything meaningful to write about. I'm writing about sitting still for goodness sake. Just so that I'm not sitting here doing nothing. The cat is chewing on her toes and playing with a dried up leaf. Sometimes she's very unexpected in completely normal cat ways. Just unexpected for her. 

I know, I will look back on this time and think to myself...remember those days when you had time to just SIT. And you thought there was something wrong with you because you just SAT. Are we so programmed to accomplish something all the time that we've lost the art of being still. Was that an art? 

"It’s pretty simple, actually: all you have to do is sit still for a little bit each day. Once you’ve gotten used to that, try doing less each day. Breathe when you feel yourself moving too fast. Slow down. Be present. Find happiness now, in this moment, instead of waiting for it.

Savor the stillness. It’s a treasure, and it’s available to us, always."  -Leo Babuta 

Simply Sad

Today we say good-bye to the best cat ever! Our brother bear, Leo, was not with us as long as we hoped, but he brought immeasurable joy to our family. Peace be with you on your journey over the rainbow, my sweet boy. May you find energy, happiness, and a lifetime supply of kitty treats and tummy rubs. We love you SO much. Thank you for blessing us with your sweet cat spirit!  

Simply Summer

My summer break officially started at 2 pm today. I handed over my classroom keys to its new occupant (my teaching partner, Kristen) and drove home with 17 years of teaching stuff packed into the back of my car. Strangely, I'm not sad. The time feels right for me to make some changes. So much is changing anyway, why not make a career change as well. 

But before I start a new teaching adventure, I have a summer adventure awaiting me. I want to do this summer right. I want to relax, do things that excite me, clean house (literally and a little bit metaphorically) and develop some healthier habits that will propel me into a new school year in August. It's always a little strange, the end of school/beginning of summer. So much potential lies ahead of me. Time is my friend. I have the freedom and flexibility to do almost anything I want. This summer, I want to spend time doing what makes me happier and healthier...which means spending less time doing things that don't. 

One commitment I will make is to DOING rather than VIEWING. Like many, I spend a decent amount of time scrolling Facebook and browsing on Pinterest.  I find myself constantly pinning new things onto an ever-growing number of pages...but rarely do I go back to a pin...rather I'm always pinning new ones. This same phenomenon happens on Goodreads as well. I spend time collecting more titles to read, rather than reading the multitudes I already have on my "to read" list. It's almost as if I'm afraid I will miss out on something great if I don't tuck it away somewhere. While I'm de-cluttering my actual house, my cyber world gets more crowded every day. So...starting today I'm on a e-collection ban. No more pins, no more titles, no more bookmarks. 

I suspect this will be a challenge for me. I have no idea how the process will go or if I will be successful, but I feel compelled to try, in an attempt to DO more than VIEW. 

Simply Deleting

This morning, I hit the delete button many times! And it feels good. In about an hour, I journeyed through every bookmarked web site on my Chromebook and deleted everything redundant, unimportant, unused and broken. What I was left with were some amazing sites that got lost in the madness. Now, everything is organized into folders that make sense for my life including: minimalism, Library (masters degree sites), faith, cooking, photography, writing, reading, relaxation and meditation, and hobbies. Hobbies seems a little vague and right now only holds a few sites about planting and growing succulents. I'm intrigued but would not really call myself a succulent addict yet! 

Many of my bookmarked sites were thrown into general categories, making them difficult to find. Others were articles or blog posts I'd saved for a specific reason and no longer needed. As I narrowed down the sites I wanted to keep, the folders I needed became obvious and now, looking at my Chrome browser, it feels like a tool, rather than a mind-numbing, time-sucking, device! 

If you're looking to clear some mental clutter, I highly recommend deleting and organizing your bookmarks! Jump bravely into the task. It was much easier than I thought and has renewed my interest in some ideas and activities that really matter to me. Good luck to you!

Simply Cyber

Losing myself in cyberspace is becoming an increasingly normal part of my daily routine. It's impossible for me to watch a television program or ride as a passenger in the car without tapping that red "P" or the blue "F" on my phone. Recently, I've found myself saving, pinning and bookmarking all manner of different sites and videos. Why? Some with the intention to show them to someone else. Some because I want to go back and read more carefully. Some because I see something particularly funny, interesting or amazing and surely I want to see it again at a later date.

Realization hit the other day, when I tried to locate a site I bookmarked recently. I almost never go back to the things I've saved, pinned and bookmarked. They sit there neatly (or not in some cases) organized waiting for me to make use of them as I intended. But they sit idle. Because every time I'm on one device or another I find myself simply browsing and adding more to the already jam packed items I deemed funny, interesting or amazing.

Summer is coming. End of the year (for a teacher and grad student) is upon me, and I'm envisioning how I will use my time this summer. As easy as it is to browse and bookmark, what a time waster. And what's the purpose behind doing it? Maybe there's something wrong with me, but I never tend to go back to things I've already picked out as being funny, interesting or amazing. Instead, I am constantly searching and adding more. Kind of like my old-school collection of cookbooks, many of which have never been used. There is short term entertainment and satisfaction in the collecting but no long term pay off. Perhaps it even adds to my stress level as I try to find what I really need amidst all the things I ever thought might be valuable to me. Additionally, as I browse through my kept craft ideas, articles and recipes...I feel overwhelmed and disappointed in myself that I seem to more of a collector of ideas than a doer or things.

So, this summer will be my summer of cyber change. It's time to simplify, prioritize and use or delete my cyber collections. Rather than adding more to a long list of items I will likely never use, I will spend this summer browsing through my current collections and using or losing what's already there. I'm not quite sure how this process will go. Right now it feels daunting and the perfectionist in me is trying to figure out the "best" way to do it. For now, I feel satisfied publicly declaring my intentions. Step one is to simply stop adding to my abundant collections. Simple? I'm about to find out.

A Simple Diversion

Today I told my husband that he will need to move into his own house when the girls leave for college because his need to consume and my desire to simplify by owning less, do not make good living companions. I'm trying to reduce, while he collects bargains that we don't really need. Lucky for him, one of the girls said, "You can come live with me dad. I like to collect things too." Argh!!

I've discovered over the past few months that simplifying is difficult when life is busy. The advertisers know just how to make you think that an extra crock pot really would help you get 14 dinners cooked in one four hour Sunday afternoon. An appealing thought when one's dinner choices after a 12 hour work day consist of KFC or Mexican take out from the neighborhood restaurant on the corner. Being busy makes me feel like I need more stuff; more things to help me stay organized, more things to help me get everyday chores done faster, more money spent on people to help me take care of all the stuff I already own. It's crazy when you stop to think about it. 

When I'm busy, I stop at the grocery store more often and purchase more things I don't need because I don't take the time to make myself a list or check the pantry before I go. I binge shop on Amazon and Zulily because I'm tired and it's easier to lie in bed and spend money with the push of a button than to get up and get moving. Lack of energy, for me, equals money spent. Spending money is effortless, requires very little mental energy, and makes me feel productive because I've accomplished ordering something that will be delivered to my door in a short 46 hours. 

No wonder people feel like they have to sell all their belongings, move the the country and live in a tiny house to finally relax and breathe. Living in the suburbs of a large city, and working a very hectic job add up to spending money... more often than not, to purchase things that we don't really need. 

Simply Traveling

Simplicity is not in my nature. I have to work at it. Which seems counter intuitive for someone who is trying to live a more calm, balanced, simple life. But whatever, I don't wake up every morning with a calm mind and a gentle focus for my day. Oftentimes, I awaken with at least 147 things running through my head, some connected to my daily to-do list, some random thoughts about something I don't need to think about for another 13 months...some trying to rectify a past issue. Like I said, simplicity is not in my nature. I have to work at it. 

Today I'm preparing for a trip. Which for me is anything but simple. And this one is a particular challenge because the girls and I are traveling without Dax. And we're flying, which the girls haven't done since before they turned 2. Oh, and did I mention that we're renting a car and driving over 7 hours to our final destination once we land. In my heart, I know I can handle it, but my head likes to mess with my heart a bit and today is no exception. 

If it was not for the itchy need to aim for perfection and to try so hard to prepare for every possibility, I would be a lot less mentally consumed this morning. But being a long distance car-traveler. I'm used to being able to throw in last minute items, to pre-purchase snacks, and to bring a variety of just-in-case items with me on the trip. I really don't want to hassle with over packed suitcases and excessive supplies with me on this trip. But it's hard to put the girl scout in me to rest. 

Take for instance the fact that I just spent 10 minutes contemplating whether or not I should take my yoga mat with me or plan or purchasing one once I arrived. It would be heavy and take up a great deal of space in the smallish suitcase I'm trying to stick with as I pack. Can I do yoga without my Chromebook? How will I access my classes? If I take my mat, I need to take my Chromebook. Which would be o.k...because I can write on my Chromebook. But then I need internet service for both of those functions and there really isn't a whole lot of service at my mom's house. So, is it worth it? Could I do my yoga without a mat and without an instructor? Could I write without my laptop? And what about the camera. Photography is supposed to be my hobby. I should really take my camera. But that will make my bag heavy, and then I'll feel obligated to drag it with me wherever I go. Could my phone camera be enough for this trip? Hmmmm...

You see the problem I'm having preparing for this trip. Simple and I are not often close companions.

But I don't want this trip to be about "stuff."  I want it to be a bonding time for the girls and me. I want to spend time in a part of the country that feels like home. I want to visit places we've never been before and enjoy the time I have there. I want to eat good food and take in what's around me. What "stuff," do I need to accomplish these things? Stay tuned...